I see it in your eyes.
You think it's not enough.
Too little. Too late.
There's not enough
You feel like a failure.
Why can't I calm the screams? Why can't I communicate with him? Why can't I help? Why can't I figure out a way?
And so you keep playing that same beloved video
Following the same routine
Serving the same foods
You bear too many bruises
And have cried too many tears.
You've let my struggles become your own
You have also smiled at each glance
Laughed right along with me
Been my biggest fan
Cheered at all my triumphs
Bought me one too many fidgets/trains/Angry Birds games
Just because I love them.
You've been fine with all of the things that make me who I am
Supported me no matter what
And let me know that I could do anything.
You fought for me.
You love me with all your heart
And while you think you're not doing enough
I know you're always there for me.
I let you know by the way I rest my head against your arm
Or gently touch you just to "check in"
Or try my hardest just for you.
I give you lean-in hugs
And I hold your hand.
So even though you feel like it's not enough
That you aren't enough
I want you to know this, Mom...
You're doing okay.